Before you are here, Child 


O child whose presence the earth has not yet known, I think of you in my delirious moments, in that world where like you existence has no hold on me. It is not fantasy but a vision, a pre-experience, a feel of the future, our future, in which we shall be lost in the euphoria of each other’s presence, of our souls’ union, our transcendent expectations… When that moment  comes, child; when I am finally in your presence and I can hold your little finger in mine and watch your fledgling footsteps on this earth where giants have trodden, and hear your innocent cackle reverberate in the bowels of a troubled world… when that time comes…

I shall look into your eyes… And what shall I see, child? Shall I see me, the image of my childhood, that forgotten copy that eternity has discarded, that precious me that has become undiscoverable? Shall I find in you the irredeemable memories of my childhood,  in your heartbeat the indefinite feel of wonderment and admiration for  all things? Shall I discern in you the unwavering trust of one who has known no betrayal, for whom this world is impeccable? O child, reveal unto me! 

Let me not see in you this degraded me who seek but never find, who ask but am never answered, who look at life with disdain and see only rottenness in the perfection of existence… this me whom experience has taught to be circumspect in all things, to doubt every glittering thing, to mock rejoicing, to obtain a fool’s satisfaction from the nihilism of man’s existence – the satisfaction that I am not alone. O child, when I look upon you, let me not see this image of me that haunts me in the secrecy of my soul, in whom the rays of divine light have dimmed; let this not be the me that you shall inherit… 

When I look upon you, let me see the conquerous smile of one whose mind knows no defeat, let me see in you the courage that defies evil thoughts, let me see in you all the things I had wanted to be. Let me see in you, my child, a person to envy; when I look into your eyes, let me be dazzled by your immanence – and yet, when I reach out to hold you, let your hand grasp mine in absolute surety, for child, in you shall I find comfort for an irrecoverable past, in you shall I rediscover myself. 

And we shall romp the wild in search of butterflies, and laugh at their escape; we shall fall on the grasses without hurrying to stand, and we shall commune with them, these little things that know only perfection. And when grains of water fall on us, and wind blow our hair, and we hear around us the melody of a homeseeking bird and the intimidating roar of a lion calling her children into the den, when, lost in the wild and night approaches, and you grasp my hand in trepidation, we shall wander a little more. We shall sit on a supine tree, watch the yellowing sun adieuing the day, and the tranquil moon peering at us like playmates… We shall sit and watch the wonders of heaven, the imponderous superfluity of the universe… yes, your small eyes shall look upon them, those enormous members of our family obscured by man’s greed. And, surrounded by this vastness, alone in the wild, you will break the silence with your small voice in a praiseful melody, and I your sole human listener shall laugh with you and tell you stories, stories that will have neither beginning nor end, like this my vision… 

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